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Six Life Lessons from My Timeout


First, I’ll warn you this isn’t my usual sass-filled blog or a description of beautiful things I’ve seen and done. It actually started as something I was writing just for myself. A piece to remind me of what I’ve learned and what I desperately don’t want to forget when I’m not in this lovely, lovely bubble anymore. But as I wrote it, I decided to follow my first lesson and put it out there. Here goes …

I’m living a pretty unique perspective right now. I’ve put “real life” in a timeout. I’ve turned off all the noise that fills a typical day. It’s had a lot of highs and a few lows. And after four weeks traveling alone in a foreign country, I’ve learned a few lessons that I think are vital to living a happy and fulfilling life.

Be Brave


What do you want? What’s the worst that can happen if you go for it? Really, think about that.
Think about the worst-case scenario. You’ll likely live through it, so put your big girl pants on and just do it.
Stop waiting for your friends or significant other to have the time or the same interest. Stop waiting for your job to slow down. Stop waiting for your kids to be grown. Stop waiting for whatever excuse you already have lined up. Life is short, go live it for yourself for a time no matter how brief or long. You’ll learn something about yourself you never knew.
Be brave. Go for it.

Be Still


Have you ever sat and watched people? We rush everywhere and do as many things at once as we can. We talk at each other while typing emails. We watch TV and surf the web. We eat lunch and work. We text one person and talk to another. We take work calls and watch the big game. We cram as many tasks into a moment as we can.
We are almost never still and very seldom focused. Can we really be in any one moment when our attention is so divided?
I plead guilty. In fact until about six months ago, I was not truly present in most of the simple, beautiful moments in my everyday life.
Being still and focused wasn’t something I did well. I honestly struggle with it even now with my limited connectivity and responsibility. I’m not sure still and quiet will ever be my default modes, but I’m learning to make myself put the distractions away and be present with what and who is in front of me. I’m learning to simply sit and take in a view … To turn off my ‘have to do’ brain … To just be in the moment and notice the details.
And as I soak in the beauty all around me in Ireland, I can’t help but think about what a gorgeous place my home is. Why don’t I slow down and appreciate that everyday?
While traveling, I’ve met wonderful people and had such interesting conversations, not because people here are better, but because they actually have my undivided attention. Why don’t I give that to the people who mean so much to me everyday?
What if we all tried to be still and savor the moment? Go on a date without our phones. Go to lunch with the coworker we admire and want to know better. Take an afternoon and go see something local that we’ve never seen.
Slow down. The only thing flying past each of us is life. Live it meaningfully and thoughtfully. Each of us really only gets one, so be still, be present and focused in the moments.

Be Selfish (Really!)


Why do we give so much of ourselves to everything and everyone except ourselves? Think about it.
Think about these scenarios where everyone else is before you …
  • Is your kid happier because you broke Pinterest with that homemade unicorn piñata filled with dancing, gluten-free, nut-free, paleo cupcakes? (OK, a little sass worked its way into this post.)
  • Is your relationship really stronger because you lost yourself in it and gave up your personal interests?
  • Is your job appreciative that you missed your workout to finish that presentation?

The answer is … No. Not ever. No way.
But what if the scenarios included you and your needs as an important element …
  • Would your kid be happier if you spent four of those five hours playing games with her, then took an hour to do something just for you and let Fudgy the Whale do his job as best birthday cake ever?
  • Would your relationship be stronger because you each spent a little time apart, pursuing your own interests and then had that much more to talk about over dinner?
  • Would your job be appreciative that you arrived at work feeling healthy and recharged so you rocked that presentation?

The answer is … Yes. Always. Yup.
So be a little selfish. Be number one on your priority list. The world will still spin and in the end everyone around you will be happier because YOU are happier.
It’ll be hard. You’ll feel guilty. Get over it!

Be Vulnerable

Why are we all hiding? And what are we hiding from? We all build these ridiculous walls for a million reasons and we think they protect us. They don’t. They isolate us.
This is without a doubt the hardest one for me personally, so I’ll be brave, shift writing gears and tell some of my own story.
I built my walls years ago after a broken heart. It’s not a terribly original story. It’s not even the saddest story I know, but I was devastated. So I built walls and I crawled into my career. It became my focus. I was good at it. I could control it. It never loved me back, but it never hurt me either. It was safe and predictable. Love was not at all safe or predictable.
I dated, but I became a master of sabotage. The ‘I’ll end it before you can’ strategy was a solid reinforcing foundation for my walls. When people asked if I was dating I’d say, “I’m retired”. Sarcastic humor and cynicism were the mortar holding the bricks of my walls together.
I know too many people like me hiding behind walls of all kinds. So I have to ask, is the illusion of safety behind our walls really better than the chance we might fail or get hurt? What if that new job is perfect? What if that business idea isn’t ridiculous? What if this new guy or girl is the partner we’re really looking for in life? What if being single is better than being in a lonely relationship? What if we stopped hiding and started to think positively? What if …
For me it started with “what if I quit the job I’ve been so safely hiding in and made time to take a trip alone to change my perspective?” I did it – I began to take down my walls and this trip has turned out to be the most amazing thing I’ve done.
Now, what if I take down the rest of those walls and open my heart? What if I take a chance on a totally different business venture? Maybe I’ll get hurt or I’ll fail. Or maybe I’ll be out from behind my walls and happiness and contentment will fill the empty space the walls used to protect. Time will tell.
We should all stop hiding behind our walls. Usually, what we are hiding from is what we want most. So climb to the top of your wall, take in the view, and then scream “Geronimo” and jump. I bet you’ll soar. And if you crash-land, at least you’ll be outside the walls and maybe you’ll notice something you would have missed in that self-constructed mental fortress.

Be Optimistic

Have you ever noticed that positivity and negatively work the same way. They each attract more of the same.
This one is really simple and direct. Get away from the negative. Be optimistic. Assume the best. Dream big in life, love, family, friendship, work, whatever. Then pursue those dreams.
And when bad things happen, because unfortunately they will. Cry. Scream. Laugh. Talk. Accept hugs. Be together. Be alone. Write about it, sing about it, paint about it, dance about it … whatever your creative outlet is, express your pain. Heal yourself. And then be optimistic that good things will come again, because they really will.

Be Open

All these lessons come together to make us one very vital element that is required for a great life – *open* to it.
  • Be brave and open to the possibilities.
  • Be still and open to what’s happening right now, right in front of you.
  • Be a little selfish and open to your own needs and happiness.
  • Be vulnerable and open to the things that scare you the most.
  • Be optimistic and open to all the exquisite things this life has to offer.

These are my life lessons. Initially, I wrote this for myself, but if you're open to the insight, perhaps in the end I wrote it for all of us. We should all create great lives.